Narcissistic Abuse Counselling
Understanding the relational patterns of behavior that cause internal confusion, instability, and the gradual loss of self.
What is Narcissistic Abuse?
Narcissistic abuse is a pattern of behaviour that makes you feel disoriented and emotionally depleted. It is so difficult to detect (when you’re in it) because it occurs in phases— periods where you feel very valued followed by periods of invalidation, blame, domination, or distance. This emotional unpredictability gradually erodes your sense of stability and makes it difficult to trust your own perceptions.
Many people impacted by narcissistic abuse describe the feeling of “losing themselves” as they work harder and harder to anticipate the narcissistic person’s shifting moods.
Narcissistic Abuse often includes:
Emotional Unpredictability: being idealized, praised, or intensely connected in one moment, then criticized, dismissed, or ignored the next.
Gaslighting: interactions that deny, dismiss, or distort your lived reality until you begin to question your own memory, emotional responses, or perceptions.
Chronic Invalidation: your feelings, needs, or concerns are minimized, reframed as overreactions, or turned into burdens that are wounding to even hear about.
Manipulation: being deceptive, lying, or making promises about the future to seem like they are committed to healing and growth.
Lack of Empathy: incapable or unwilling to recognize or care about the needs and feelings of others.
Blame Shifting: inability to take accountability and instead blaming anyone who threatens their sense of security.
Aggression & Domination: reacting in a threatening or dominating way whenever they feel disappointed, criticized, or challenged. People who are narcissistic are sensitive to criticism and will dominate others to avoid it.
Why you feel stuck…
Narcissistic patterns of behavior are complex. You aren’t only invalidated, criticized, blamed, dominated, or dismissed. You’re also offered warmth, attentiveness, praise, and connection. If the care you received was only negative, you wouldn’t feel stuck. You hold onto the “good moments” in the hope that it’ll get better, but the harmful patterns just keep re-emerging.
This is not a weakness. Dr. Ramani emphasizes that people who experience narcissistic abuse stay because they are empathetic, hopeful, and committed— not because they’re flawed or dependent. When a relationship alternates between moments of closeness and moments of fear or instability, your mind and body adapt in ways that are both instinctive and protective.
Common Impacts of Narcissistic Abuse
Hypervigilance: constantly monitoring your tone, timing, or emotional expression to prevent either outbursts or relational withdrawal.
Constant Self-Doubt: questioning your capacity to interpret reality and undermining your own perceptions.
Emotional Distress: feeling anxious, depressed, angry, devastated, overwhelmed or numb.
Difficulty Communicating Needs: it doesn’t matter how you express your feelings or state your needs, your boundaries are always an inconvenience and often occur as hurtful.
Loss of Self: over time you will feel confused, depleted, disempowered, or disconnected from who you were before the relationship.
Your nervous system is responding to antagonistic relational stress, a term used to describe the chronic impact of narcissistic abuse. It is real. And it is not your fault.
Why You Need A Specialist
Many people who are experiencing narcissistic abuse seek therapy long before they have the language to describe what it is. And far too often, they are met with well-meaning but misguided therapeutic advice:
“Try communicating more calmly.”
“Work on emotional regulation.”
“Set clearer boundaries.”
“Maybe they’re reacting to your triggers.”
These strategies can be helpful for most relational challenges. But these interventions do not stop narcissistic abuse. It doesn’t matter how much or in what ways you try to adjust yourself, it won’t change narcissistic patterns of behavior. People who experience narcissistic abuse are often already over-communicating, over-regulating, and over-functioning to accommodate the narcissistic person.
A therapist trained in Narcissistic Abuse understands that:
You cannot change the relational dynamic by being clearer, calmer, or more empathic.
Your nervous system will respond appropriately to chronic relational stress.
The responsibility for the behaviour belongs to the narcissistic person.
“Improving the relationship” is not the goal if the pattern is deeply entrenched.
Safety, clarity, self-trust, and harm-reduction are central to treatment.
Staying, distancing, or ending a relationship with someone who is narcissistic requires support that honours your specific context. Going “no contact” is not always an option.
A specialist does not collude with the idea that you can fix, repair, or transform the relationship through your effort.
As a Certified Narcissistic Abuse Treatment Clinician (NATC) trained by Dr. Ramani Durvasula, I apply a therapeutic framework that is designed to help make sense of your experience and develop radical acceptance of what cannot be changed so you can move toward the options that honour your wellbeing.
Specialized therapeutic support focuses on:
Validating your reality
Reducing self-blame
Gaining clarity
Increasing safety
Processing betrayal trauma
Rebuilding self-trust, identity & autonomy
Recognizing realistic limits of change in the relationship
Developing radical acceptance
Processing anger and grief
Supporting decisions based on your values, context, and readiness
You don’t need to keep adjusting yourself to a dynamic that cannot be fixed with more effort. Specialized support will help you gain clarity, rebuild self-trust, and feel more rooted.
My Therapeutic Approach
My approach is rooted, collaborative, and contextual. I honour your wisdom and will work with you to situate your experience within the relationships and systems that shape it.
I integrate several therapeutic models to support people navigating or recovering from narcissistic abuse. I blend together Internal Family Systems, Response Based Practice, Somatic Experiencing, Attachment Theory, Systems Theory and Harm Reduction to reduce confusion, balance your nervous system, rebuild self-trust, and develop your internal authority so you can make choices that promote your wellbeing.
What You Can Gain From Specialized Therapy:
Working with a specialist does not erase the impact of narcissistic abuse overnight. But it can help you:
understand the pattern you’ve been stuck in
reclaim trust in your perceptions
feel less responsible for someone else’s behaviour
stabilize your nervous system
reconnect with your needs, limits, preferences, your voice, and what matters to you
radical acceptance and with it, more peace
make informed decisions that promote your wellbeing
feel less alone, less confused, and more grounded
Specialized therapy for narcissistic abuse can help you regain clarity and root into your essential self.
Who I Work With
I work with people who are either experiencing or recovering from narcissistic abuse. While relational dynamics may vary depending on the type of relationship, the psychological impacts are often similar: confusion, instability, self-doubt, chronic vigilance, and a gradual disconnect from your own needs and your intuition.
I support clients across British Columbia who are:
currently in a relationship with a narcissistic partner, parent, sibling, or colleague
unsure if what they’re experiencing “counts” as abuse
wanting to stay, unable to leave due to children, finances, safety, or community, trying to leave
rebuilding after the termination of a narcissistic relationship
navigating co-parenting with someone who has narcissistic patterns of behavior
dealing with the long-term impacts from childhood emotional abuse or neglect
You are welcome to access support at any stage of understanding or readiness.
FAQs
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Many people impacted by antagonistic relational stress worry that they’re “too sensitive” or “making a big deal out of nothing.”
Instead of focusing on labels, we’ll look at patterns of behavior and the impacts these have on you. Some common signs of narcissistic abuse include:
Your experiences and feelings are routinely dismissed, minimized, or flipped back onto you.
You feel emotionally “up and down” depending on the other persons mood.
You monitor what you say, how you say it, and when you say it to avoid being blamed and invalidated.
You feel smaller, more confused, or less like yourself over time.
If a relationship leaves you chronically destabilized, self-doubting, or on edge, it is worth seeking professional support. You do not need a diagnosis to justify receiving therapy from a specialist.
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There are very good reasons it feels hard, and NONE of the reasons mean you’re weak or defective.
Narcissistic relationships revolve on a cycle of attention and withdrawal, tenderness and dismissal, hope and hurt. This emotional inconsistency activates attachment systems and creates powerful bonds, even if you’re suffering. People who experience narcissistic abuse face practical barriers as well including: shared finances, housing, children, immigration, cultural or faith-based expectations, and social pressure.
On top of this, gaslighting and chronic invalidation erode self-trust and decision-making. From a trauma informed perspective, staying, fawning, and freezing, are all intelligent survival responses, not failures.With specialized therapy, you won’t consider “why don’t you just leave?” You’ll explore what you’re carrying, what your constraints are, and what feels possible and safe for you right now.
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This is one of the most painful questions people who experience narcissistic abuse face.
Research indicates that changes to narcissistic patterns are uncommon. It is possible for someone with narcissistic traits to gain insight and modify their behaviour, but it usually requires long-term and internally motivated therapeutic work— not any change from others they relate with.
Promises to “go to therapy” or “work on things” can be sincere, manipulative, or something in between. What matters is not the promise, but whether there is consistent, accountable, and sustained change over time—without blaming you, weaponizing therapy, or using it as another stage for image management.
In our work, we won’t organize your life around the hope that they will become a different person. We’ll focus on what you are seeing now, how it affects you, and what you need in order to be safe, well, and whole— regardless of whether they ever change.
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Couples therapy can be helpful for many kinds of relational strain, but it has serious limitations and risks within the context of narcissistic abuse.
Narcissistic partners may use couples therapy to:
control or manipulate the narrative
downplay or deny the harm
gather information to use against you later
make temporary changes to keep you engaged, then revert back
For that reason, many experts, including Dr. Ramani Durvasula, caution that couples therapy is often not appropriate when there is ongoing narcissistic abuse. The focus of any therapy should not be on improving the relationship; it should be about your safety and wellbeing.
If you are currently in, or considering couples therapy, we can talk through what you’re noticing, what feels unsafe or confusing, and ways to protect yourself in any therapeutic setting.
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No.
“No contact” is often described as the most effective way to heal from narcissistic abuse, and for many people it is. But it is not always possible or immediately realistic. Examples include: when you share children, finances, family systems, or community ties.Healing is not all-or-nothing. When no contact isn’t possible, we can explore options to reduce harm and minimize contact, such as:
structuring contact around specific topics (e.g., co-parenting only)
minimizing emotional disclosure and vulnerability
using strategies like gray rock or parallel parenting when appropriate
building external support and safety plans
strengthening your internal boundaries and nervous system capacity
I will not pressure you into a particular choice, I’ll help you understand the risks and realities, support your nervous system and sense of self, and collaborate on steps that fit your life, values, and capacity right now.
If This Resonates
You don’t have to keep navigating it alone. If you’re feeling confused, destabilized, or unsure how to move forward, specialized support is available.
